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Murphy's Law For Witches

1) No spell is as easy as it looks.

2) If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a spell can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.

3) Every spell performed to solve a problem will breed new problems.

4) Mother Nature is sometimes a bitch.

5) Anything that can go wrong will go wrong; and anything that cannot possibly go wrong will also go wrong.

6) The Craft as understood by Witches, will be judged otherwise by non_witches:

(a) If you explain a situation so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, the news media will.

(b) If, during an interview, you explain 99 good things about the Craft and tell one bad joke, guess what will make the headlines!

7) No matter what the result of a spell, there will always be someone eager to:

(a) misinterpret it,

(b) fake it, and

(c) believe that it happened as a result of his own work.

8) Once a Ritual is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

9) 90% of anything is crap.

(a) When dealing with the occult, make that 95%.

(b) When dealing with religion, make that 98%.

10) Everyone has a favorite ritual or spell that will not work.

11) As soon as you mention something... if it's good, it goes away... if it's bad it happens.

12) If a spell requires 'n' materials, then immediately before beginning, you will discover that you only possess 'n-1' materials.

13) In any formula, it will be discovered that the required amounts have been forgotten.

14) No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep.

15) If you miss an issue of a newsletter, it will be the issue that concludes the article or ritual that you are most anxious to read.

16) When your familiar has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

17) If you drop your Athame during a rite, you will discover that you are no longer able to move your right foot.

18) In any outdoor Sabbat, performed skyclad, the Circle will be drawn around a patch of poison ivy.

19) In Any Sabbat performed robed, the person behind you will step upon your hem, thus leaving you skyclad during a dance.

20) When all else fails, consult your Book of Shadows

21) The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it's stranger than we can imagine.

22) For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

23) For every vision of the Goddess, there is an equal or opposite vision that negates your own vision.

24) If you are early to a Sabbat, it will be canceled.

(a) If you are on time, it will be late.

(b) If you are late, it will have started early.

25) The more complicated and grandiose the ritual, the greater the chance that it will fail.

26) The more carefully you plan a ritual, the more you will resist admitting that it failed.

27) When this lazy witch gets into trouble due to his ignoring the facts, he will imagine that his failures are caused by another's curse.

28) The best and most effective rituals occur when you are home with the flu.

29) You always hear about the need for a ritual or spell after that need ends.

30) One hour before your first skyclad Sabbat, you will develop a large and unsightly pimple upon your left buttock.

~Author unknown, but very much loved~


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